Emmett was born 2 weeks past his due date and by that time, I was so ready to give birth. I had a detailed birth plan, I was practicing my birth yoga religiously, the nursery was ready, I was ingesting red leaf tea and primrose oil to encourage labor, I had my hospital bag packed, and Robert and I had even picked out what we wanted Emmett's first song to be. Ha! Was I naïve. Emmett refused to come and I had to be induced. I was in labor for 25 hours, 5 of which I pushed with everything I had, but Emmett was completely stuck and at 5:45pm on November 25th, 2014, our son was born via C-section. My birth plan had failed and I felt I had failed. While I lay on the operating table with my insides exposed, Robert, who had promised me he would not leave our son alone for even a second and would try to do skin to skin as best as he could, left with Emmett to the nursery. In the nursery was where Emmett would hear his first song, All About The Bass. UGH. That wasn't what we'd picked for him! How could his first song be so out of our control?!? As it turned out, we should've realized at that point that Emmett's first song would be similar to many of our parenting experiences- out of our control no matter what we did.
|Robert promised me he'd do skin to skin but the hospital wouldn't let him so he insisted on holding Emmett's hand and never let go.|
|My dad caring for Emmett in the emergency room while I underwent testing.|
|After Robert's first day back at work, he came straight to the hospital to be with me and Emmett.|
|Finally home but attached to a vacuum. You can see the hose coming out of my shirt in the picture. Excuse the wrong date stamp on my mom's camera!|
|We were so lucky to have my mom taking care of us for all of those weeks.|
So I spent 2015 learning how to be mother and I'm going to spend 2016 finding me again, in my new context, my new world. I'm trying to teach myself how to do it all, but I find that I no longer believe in balance. Instead, I'm learning to let each part of my life take over fully when it demands my attention. When Emmett is with me, I'm 100% mom. When he's with Robert, or at daycare where he spends two days a week, napping or sleeping, I get to be a business owner and part time mom (let's be honest, moms never really turn that part of them off). That means I may not get to add that new style to my website the moment I think of it, or email that customer back five seconds after I get their message, but it lets me divide my time so I feel more in control. Like I said, I'm still figuring it all out. I don't have all the answers yet.