For the past 20 something weeks, I've woken up every Thursday morning and celebrated. I celebrate checking off another week into my pregnancy. This morning, I celebrated 25 weeks. I feel happy, proud, accomplished. I've taken care of this baby in my body for 25 weeks and I feel it moving and kicking. Last night, I felt Baby Reese (BR) hiccuping, a weird feeling indeed, but also reassurance that BR is still in there, doing his/her thing and growing.
The thing is, pregnancy has been a lot more difficult for me than I imagined it would be. I always assumed I'd be that happy, glowing pregnant lady. Enjoying every moment. Unfortunately, that hasn't been the case. Although I prefer to keep personal details between Robert & myself, I can share that this hasn't been easy and there have been plenty of scares. Early in the pregnancy, I thought I'd lost BR and was on bed rest for a couple of weeks. There were a few days when I felt no movement at all and again, I was a nervous wreck. I know it's not good for the baby but there are moments I just can't help it. I become a total mess and look for any and all signs that everything is ok.
This morning, I read my friend Ashley's blog post Pregnancy Thoughts & Regrets. I could relate. Just like Ashley I'm uncomfortable, sometimes both physically and emotionally. My belly is pushing up into my lungs, making it difficult to breathe. When I'm completely exhausted, I still feel torn about working out vs resting because I know that every workout will help keep me strong and prepare me for birth but I'm too damn tired to move. The other night, I told Robert that once the baby is born I want him to bring me a bourbon on the rocks, a margarita, a plate of amazing sushi, and brie cheese with honey... all together, in my hospital bed. Those are just a few of the things that I miss. To all the women out there who are struggling with getting pregnant, or who have had bad results with their pregnancies, I must sound so selfish, right? It makes me feel guilty, insensitive.
So, when I saw this message on my phone this morning, I celebrated and also resolved to change my attitude. I'm going to be grateful for it all. Yes, I'm tired of the acid reflux and vomiting. Second trimester morning sickness is just as fun as first trimester. The migraines, the pregnancy acne, I could go on and on... it all stinks but it means I'm still pregnant. It means I'm lucky and I I'm going to acknowledge it, not complain about it. I'm one of the lucky ones.
I've heard so many women complain about how large they get when they're pregnant. It does feel weird to suddenly lose control of your shape, to feel everything expand. Your bras and panties no longer fit. You need all new workout clothing. You find yourself waddling instead of walking. But all those things are just a reminder of the life growing within you. They're all good things! I recently read a post where the writer complained that someone said "Wow, how many weeks pregnant are you? You look much bigger than that!" and it upset her. But why? Your belly is big? Good for you! I've heard that a few times in addition too "You're so big" or "Are you sure there aren't twins in there?" and my response is always "Thank You!" Seeing my belly grow makes me happy. The bigger it gets, the better I feel emotionally, even if I feel like crap physically.
|Hiking at 23 weeks. I highly recommend it. Not only is it a great workout, but everyone jumps out of the way and off the trail for the pregnant lady!|
|Yup, my belly is big and I'm digging it.|